Finding the Words

Writing your own wedding vows can seem like a daunting task at first, but fear not, I have come up with some top tips to help you find the right words. There will be a later post with some real examples which I will link here.

Relax! (granola optional)

1. Take the Pressure Off

Your vows to your partner do not need to be a manifesto on your relationship. They are neither a contract with legalise, nor your epitaph. Getting married is a momentous event and, I’m told, a rather stressful one to organise so on the day you don’t want to be worrying about your vows too. Just say how you feel. The short sentence “I will do my best to love you the way you deserve to be loved” could mean just as much as 5-6 lines of promises written down. Your partner already knows how you feel – you’re getting married after all!

Moral support.

2. Not a Fan of Public Speaking?

Just say “I do.”

Writing your own vows doesn’t necessarily mean you have to read them. If you are not a fan of public speaking at the best of times, or you feel like the emotion of the day might overtake you (which is fine just so you know!) then you could write your vows as a set of promises that you agree to with an “I do”. I will read them out and all you need to do is agree to them. It’s still personal but takes the pressure off you.

This blank page isn’t helping.

3. Choose a structure for your vows

then make them your own

There are lots of websites out there with examples of other couple’s personal vows to each other. There is no harm in taking inspiration from their vows and changing them to make them your own. For example, you and your partner could agree to make 5 promises to one another, and then each of you could change 1 or 2 of them so they are different and personal to your relationship. That way you are both using the same structure for your vows, but with a personal twist. I will post some examples in a later blog entry.

They wrote them together.

4. How long should they be?

How long is a piece of string? As a good starting point, if you want to write your vows in prose style 1/5 -1/4 of an A4 page is a good length. If you are writing your vows as a series of promises then an odd number of vows like 3, 5, or 7 always best in my opinion (odd numbers are more satisfying for some reason).

Her vows were a little short.

5. Make your vows a similar length

This kind of goes without saying, but it’s good for each member of the couple to read vows of a similar length to their partner. If one of you has written 4 pages of vows and the other has written one line, it could be a little embarrassing. Make sure you are on the same wave length!

They’ve both forgotten theirs.

6. Have your vows with you

Lots of my couples tell me they are going to try to memorise their vows, and I always tell them to bring a copy written down anyway. Of the 100+ couples I have married, only one Groom was able to remember his lines off by heart. Give yourself a break. You are probably going to be a bit nervous and nerves arn’t conducive to remembering lines. Bring your vows along with you – you will be glad you did.

They were pleasantly surprised.

7. Why not keep them a secret?

If you want to give your partner a lovely surprise then why not consider keeping your vows a secret until the wedding day? You could pre-arrange a format or structure for your vows so that you both write vows of a similar style and length, but keep the actual content a mystery until you say “I do”.

This couple chose a haunted house as their venue.

8. Break all the rules!

If you don’t fancy the idea of making traditional vows, why not do something completely different? Why not choose to have a visual symbolic moment instead, or a Celtic handfasting ceremony? You could sing your vows to one another or you could write them in rhyming couplets. You could even write them FOR each other. The sky is the limit.

Like what you see?